Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
