Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
