I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
