Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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