remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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