People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
