At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
please don't ironically join a cult
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