I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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