If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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