Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.

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(786): View more from Florida

I miss vodka workout Fridays

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(214): View more from Texas

Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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(260): View more from Indiana

People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter

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(618): View more from Illinois

Its one of those days... someone might die

(1-618): View more from Illinois

Would a picture of my dick help?

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