Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
