We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
