Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
