I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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