you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
