Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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