we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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