WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
