At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
