Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
