I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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