i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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