I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
