I wanna bring you to show and tell
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
