I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Floor bacon is actually really good
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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