and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
