I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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