A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Someone signed my nipple.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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