Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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