I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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