hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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