was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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