i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
