I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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