Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
