i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
