I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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