So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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