i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we're making bets on your personal life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
