Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sex in a hospital.. check
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
