ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
