last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
