You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
