Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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