Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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