I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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