I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
