Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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