I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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