I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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