I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
