If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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