i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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