oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Randomize
