the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
