I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
