some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
