i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
