but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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