you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
