He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
