he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
should my penis look like a turkey
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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