A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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