I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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