So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
