That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
