if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Randomize
