when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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