haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
