Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
