its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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