rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
