I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
