I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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