I'm laying in your front yard are you home
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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