You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
