I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
