mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
