If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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