OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
