apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
