I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
