i barfeds in our rink
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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