Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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