it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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