what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
