I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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