It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
