I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
