It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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