At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
